Shifting Loyalties Read online

  Damn it.

  I turned the water off, wrapping myself in the large, plush bath sheet Liam left out for me. Why was I thinking about Quaid when Liam slept in the next room? After I spent the whole weekend engrossed in Liam, physically as well as emotionally?

  I leaned against the counter, hugging the towel to me as I admitted how much it hurt I hadn’t heard much from tall, dark and deliciously jerkish. He’d been keeping his distance since summer, focused, I could only guess, on his last year of training with the Enforcer order.

  Not that I blamed him. No matter how I felt, no matter the fact my demon pined and growled at me until Shaylee wouldn’t talk to her anymore, Quaid was lost to me, and I really, really had to get over him.

  Was doing a smashing job. Just smashing.

  Ack.

  I peeked out the bathroom door, Liam’s sweet, sleeping face turned toward me, bare chest rising and falling slowly as he breathed, one arm flung out over the place I’d left. Liam loved me so much, would do anything for me. He could be the one.

  At least until he grew old and died while I stayed young.

  Yeah, way to crush the moment underfoot and leave a smear of hurt behind, Hayle.

  I squeezed water from my hair, hating the scowl on my face, my eyes flaring with blue fire as I caught my reflection again. I would not make Liam second best to a guy who chose his career over being with me. Time to choose to be happy with the Sidhe Gatekeeper. To pick kind and sweet over sarcastic and moody.

  Considering I was more the latter than the former, we’d be a fit, wouldn’t we? I could grow to like being taken care of. And there would be no jealousy from Liam I was more powerful than him.

  Not like with Quaid.

  I very firmly drew a box around every single feeling I had for my first love and sealed it with as much power as I could before leaving the bathroom. I sank to the side of the bed, held my long, wet hair out of the way, bending to brush my lips over Liam’s. He reacted immediately, arms rising to pull me to him, eyes cracking open, wide mouth smiling. I snuggled against his chest, my damp towel still warm from the heat of the water I’d used. He’d been more than willing to turn up the heat, but we’d figured out very quickly his skin couldn’t handle the temperatures I loved and I wondered how much of my craving for super-heated showers had to do with my demon.

  “Love you,” he mumbled.

  “Love you, too,” I said. Felt and heard my stomach rumble. “Hungry?”

  Liam’s smile made me wish I didn’t need dinner just yet.

  It was nice to hold his hand, to swing my arm in time with his. No more freak outs, not while I settled into his rhythm. Funny how it only took a couple of days for this to feel like it had always been between us.

  Nice.

  My little bubble of happy didn’t protect me from the outside world, though. Not while a familiar figure approached, one arm raised. I tensed immediately as Mia crossed the snowy Yard to join us. The last time I’d seen her, she accused me of interfering with her coven, tried to have me burned for the loss of her family magic. I felt terrible for her, guilty the very same magic she’d lost to the Brotherhood chose to go to Andre Dumont instead of home to her. But I knew it was her weakness that made the theft possible in the first place.

  So much guilt around my old friend. Her mother did her no favors blocking her magic when she was a baby. Clare Dumont fled her family and her crazy mother, Odette, for a chance to give Mia and Quaid normal lives. But the now-dead leader of the Dumont family hadn’t been willing to let things lie. Knowing she could only protect one of her children, she chose the infant Mia over one-year-old Quaid, perhaps sensing her daughter didn’t have the strength of her son.

  Regardless, I couldn’t help but think Clare made the wrong choice. Being cut off from her magic caused a crack in Mia’s psyche, which had only grown over the years as she struggled to understand what she was missing. Sure, it could have gone either way, especially if Mia was a little more stable. Considering Gram’s own fight with her loss of magic had only made her stronger, in my opinion. Mia’s story could have ended differently if she’d had support.

  But my grandmother was powerful to begin with, hardheaded and stubborn. Not to mention the fact she lost her magic as an adult woman.

  Mia wasn’t so lucky—or so grounded. It still showed on her face as she smiled at me, eyes a little wild, cheeks sunken. She looked like she’d dropped twenty pounds, and not in a good way. Gaunt, pale skin parched, her black Goth makeup did nothing to improve her appearance.

  But her smile shook me far more deeply than her looks. The way she reached for my free hand, acted like there had never been darkness between us as her cold lips pressed to my cheek.

  “Syd!” Mia leaned away, meager power reaching for mine and, on impulse, I reached back. She ignored Liam like he wasn’t even there. Rude. Very rude. But he took her attitude in stride and, with a slow nod, backed off and allowed her to take my attention.

  While I struggled to accept her arrogance, knowing, even as I did, it was grounded in an underground self-esteem issue tied to a severe lack of confidence, he immediately understood what she needed and acted without ego.

  Yeah, he’d do.

  “It’s so lovely to run into you.” Mia’s hair, the only healthy looking part of her, caught the gloss of the white lights bordering the Yard.

  Um, okay. Not like she didn’t know where to find me all along.

  “Mia.” I did my best to grasp some balance. She was so mercurial, I wondered if an explosion waited behind her clear blue eyes.

  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for so long.” Her shoulders slumped, smile fading, though she seemed less ready to snap and more introspective, so I took it as a good thing. “The way I treated you, how I acted when all you did was try to help me and my family.” She shook her head, hair swinging, a thread catching at the corner of her mouth. “Inexcusable.”

  “I’m so sorry, too.” Guilt gushed out of me as I hugged her, relief curling free from months of old hurt. “I’ve been worried about you.”

  Mia smiled again as I released her. “That’s sweet. But I’m doing okay.” She turned and gestured. Only then did I notice a pair of young witches hovering behind her. “I’ve started my own family.”

  Her attempt at perky fell flat, but I wasn’t going to call her on it. And from the feel of the pair, they were even weaker than Mia. Made me sad, but at least she was trying, right?

  Right?

  She glanced around as though we were being observed before bending her head, voice dropping in volume and timber. “I wanted to tell you that thanks to you, I’ve seen the light.”

  All of her crazy came back in a rush. Not in her face or her bearing. But in that moment, with those words and the ones following, I understood she was not only still broken, the pieces left of her were now starting to fracture as well. “I’ve found the true path of magic.” She shivered, eyes widening. “There is so much to learn, Syd.” Mia’s hand grasped mine again, intensity in her face, a reverence and fanaticism reminding me of the Chosen of the Light. But at least that deranged group had a powerful leader at one point, someone to keep them safe. While I didn’t agree with Demetrius Strong’s old ways, I understood his methods. Mia just didn’t have the wherewithal to support others, let alone herself.

  She shivered in delight, lips pursing in a pert smile. “There is so much power to be had.” One sharp nod ended her little episode into heretic. “When the time comes, of all people, I’ll be happy to share my knowledge with you.”

  “Thanks,” I said. There wasn’t much else to say to crazy.

  Mia hugged me again. Smiled brightly. “You’re welcome.”

  Turned and left without another word, her sad little pair of followers trailing after her.

  “What the hell was that?” Liam’s arm went around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

  “I have no idea.” Yes, I could have invaded Mia’s mind and found out. But honestly, she wasn’t a threat
to me, to anyone, not anymore.

  Let her have her delusions if they made her life easier. The elements knew she earned some peace.

  Liam hugged me, warm breath in my ear even through my hat. “It’s not your fault.”

  “I know.” I hugged him back. Kissed him. “Thank you.”

  But as we moved on, the beckoning lights of Memorial Hall calling us to dinner, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more I could have done for Mia.

  ***

  Chapter Five

  Dinner was quiet, the girls keeping their distance, though I’d tried a couple of times to have them join us. But their giggling and winks were enough to tell me they had no intention of separating Liam and I just yet.

  I knew once the weekend was officially over they’d pile on top of me for deets.

  I felt Shenka return, her connection to the family magic alerting me as she arrived back at Harvard. For a moment, I sensed her tie to Enforcer magic, and I kicked myself a little. Of course she’d need help to get home. Without my ability to ride the veil between our plane and Demonicon as her means of travel, I’d left Shenka to fend for herself.

  She must have felt my guilt, because she immediately reached for me.

  If you’re thinking what I know you’re thinking, you’re being silly. Her mental tone sounded firm, but loving. I managed just fine, thank you. Besides, I had a cute ride.

  Gulp. Heart clench. Chocolate and leather and hot magic—

  No, she sent, mind hugging mine gently and a little sadly. Not him. I’d never do that to you.

  Of course she wouldn’t. But my reaction to the possibility set me off in a way I wasn’t expecting. Turned out, the box of Quaid I’d sequestered with magic wasn’t working after all.

  Because, yeah. That would be too easy.

  I hugged her back, hiding my churning emotions from her. I’ll see you soon.

  She let me go as I turned to Liam, my buzz of happiness now long gone. “Shenka’s back.”

  He seemed to collapse in on himself a little. Did he sense he’d lost me? And had he? His smile was as sweet as ever. “I guess our weekend is over.”

  I hugged him, his cold cheek pressed to mine even as I struggled with what to say, how to act all of a sudden. The ease of our being felt lost and I didn’t know how to bring it back.

  “I’ll see you in the morning.” His lips demanded I stay with him, but I parted from him after only a moment. I stood in the Yard, hands in my pockets as Liam turned and left me there, looking back over his shoulder and waving twice before disappearing into his dorm.

  Sigh.

  I had to figure this Quaid thing out or I’d never get married.

  My boots made thudding sounds as I trudged through the snow, shoulders hiking up around my ears, shivering at the sudden cold enveloping me. My demon hated winter and I was inclined to agree with her.

  I find it refreshing, my vampire sent.

  Both Shaylee and my demon snarled at her.

  The warm interior of Hollis Hall welcomed me as I entered, climbed the stairs. My feet slowed as I neared my door. Sudden reluctance pulled on me. Why was I so hesitant to see Shenka, to tell her the inevitable happened? It wasn’t like she didn’t know what Liam’s weekend solitude was all about.

  Still, as I reached for the doorknob, I felt discomfort and confusion ramp up. The feeling things weren’t quite right, the spell Liam and I wove around each other the last two days wasn’t real, couldn’t—shouldn’t—last.

  I was going to girlfriend hell.

  Shenka sat on her bed, smiling as I came inside, her magic hugging me even as she rose and came to do so physically. I hugged her back, our family magic linking us together.

  “So,” she said, deep brown eyes sparkling as she pulled away. “How was your weekend?”

  Blush. Ing.

  She pulled me down on the bed with her and, embarrassed, but oddly giggly, I shed my coat and gloves and told her everything. Well, not everything. But enough she squealed and hugged me before hesitating.

  “I adore Liam,” Shenka said. “He’s lovely.”

  “But.” I stood up, went to my side of the room, stared out the window over my bed into the cold January night. Hated how my heart clenched around Quaid and wouldn’t let go.

  I heard the rustle of fabric as she moved. “When he asked me what to do, I encouraged him to suggest this weekend.”

  My grin widened as I turned to face her. “Didn’t see that coming.”

  She snorted. “Hush, you.” Her hands settled in her lap as she shrugged, on foot bobbing over the edge of the bed in agitation. “I was hoping you would either see the light about him, or…”

  “See the light.” I sank onto my own bed. “Pick him or scratch him from the list.”

  She nodded. “And?”

  And.

  “Whatever choice you make,” Shenka said, “you know I’m behind you. I always will be.”

  I chewed my thumbnail. Not everyone felt the same way. “How’s Gram?”

  Shenka’s smile faded before returning. I knew her tells already, the signs when she was trying to hide something from me. “She’s fine.”

  Um-hum.

  “Honestly, she’s still in her room most of the time.” Shenka tossed her hands, both landing with soft thuds in her lap. “I’m worried about her, Syd.”

  That made two of us. Gram and I had shared a unique connection ever since I was a baby, thanks to the power she embedded in me to protect her magic from the Purity family when they attacked. Because I carried it for so long, it was as though we shared part of a soul. There were times when Gram’s eavesdropping irritated me and others when I couldn’t have imagined making it through my life without her.

  But now that she’d lost most of her magic to Ameline, our connection was so weak I barely felt her. And thanks to her stubborn melancholy over the whole thing, she refused to let me in anymore.

  More than anything, without Gram, I felt like I’d lost part of myself and didn’t know how to get it back.

  Not true. I had to kill Ameline. That would solve everything.

  Stupid maji prophecy keeping the bitch alive. It could just bite me.

  “I can’t tell if she’s getting stronger.” Shenka tapped a beat out on her thigh with her fingertips. “But I don’t think she is. Though Lula Kennecott was there for a visit and to give her a checkup.”

  I brightened a little at that. The sister half of the Kennecott twins was one-half of an amazing healer team. I adored both she and her brother, Phon, and knew Gram was in good hands.

  “How did she take that?” I could just imagine my grandmother’s reaction to being poked and prodded magically, regardless Lula’s smooth and gentle temperament.

  Shenka laughed. “You can guess. But Lula is amazing with her. After Ethpeal got through griping and fighting with Sassafras over what was and wasn’t good for her, she finally relented and let Lula do her work.”

  I could so picture it. Made me sad knowing I missed so much. I wished I could split myself into pieces and not ever miss a thing…

  Then again, I’d had my other parts stripped from me before, and I really preferred keeping us intact.

  “Oh, and Talee’s son, Todd, had a bit of an altercation with the Mitchell’s boy. A fight over who was a real coven member.” Shenka chuckled. “A few fists were thrown, and Hiller lost a tooth that was loose anyway.”

  Yikes. How did she handle this stuff? I would have shaken the two of them and knocked their heads together.

  “I’m so lucky to have you,” I said, love and more guilt welling inside me. “I should have been home with you this weekend.”

  Shenka’s frown had nothing to do with anger as she rose and came to my side, sitting next to me, taking my hand.

  “I’ve told you before,” she said. “This is my job. And I love it, Syd.” Her beaming smile was so genuine I smiled back, my soul uncurling from regret. “Thank you so much for asking me. Yes, I was second for my family, with Tallah. But
they knew me as their coven leader’s sister.” Her perfect, white teeth flashed as she shook her head, lips in a wry twist. “I didn’t really get the chance to be the one they came to. But with our family,” she bloomed again, a dark rose framed by long, silky black hair, “I'm finally able to be the witch, the leader, I wanted to be.” She jabbed me gently with one elbow. “While you take on the big, nasty stuff. It’s a win-win.”

  I hugged her hard, throat tight. “You’re awesome.”

  She laughed in my ear. “Syd,” she whispered, “the feeling is so mutual.”

  We smiled at each other, both tearing up before Shenka laughed again and gave me a little shove.

  “No crying,” she said.

  Snort. Yeah, I was really good at the no crying thing.

  Syd. Sunny’s mental voice broke through as I sobered, linking Shenka to the conversation immediately.

  Hey. I raised my eyebrows at Shenka who cocked her head in curiosity.

  Hello, Sunny, she sent to the vampire queen.

  Shenka, darling. Sunny’s spirit power embraced us both. I’m happy you’re with Syd. I have news about Charlotte.

  Instant perk. Shenka’s soft gasp came in conjunction with the tightening of her hands in mine.

  Is she okay?

  Where is she?

  Shenka and I stumbled over each other as Sunny went on.

  The feeling from the vampire queen wasn’t positive.

  I don’t know, she sent. Not in detail. But what I’ve found out worries me.

  I was on my feet, my second beside me, already reaching for my coat.

  I’ll be right there.

  Because, no matter my boy troubles, my crazy life, I would drop everything in a heartbeat.

  This was Charlotte we were talking about.

  ***

  Chapter Six

  Shenka and I stepped out of the veil in the Wilhelm throne room. Sunny approached us immediately, Uncle Frank behind her. I hugged the stunning, blonde queen, feeling the warmth of her body, telling me she’d fed not too long ago. It used to bother me, thinking about how vampires survived, though only peripheral bother. But now I carried the vampire essence inside me, had almost died from being drained of my blood and left a withered mummy, I had a totally different perspective.