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  Something—someone—stretched inside me, made me shudder, while the aroma of burning increased, the spark of flame waking even as it—she—did.

  So sleepy, she whispered.

  I rubbed the sides of my head, my throbbing temples, my drach soul soothing me, easing back around the stirring in my mind. But the third scent grew stronger, too, the burbling of water and the insistent, heady presence of new summer pushing back the calm and retreat I’d lived in since shedding the life I knew.

  What’s happened? Shaylee. Her name was Shaylee. A princess of the Sidhe, Seelie daughter of Aoilainn, queen of the realm.

  With that knowledge, everything flooded back, their presence, their influence. And, as it did, the drach in me retreated, with a sigh of regret that made my throat ache.

  The girls. The egos I carried inside my mind. I hadn’t shed them when I’d chosen this life. I’d purposely kept them with me. But, in a fog that tried to return and mask my thoughts, I realized again—as I had on the wall a few short hours ago—they’d been gone ever since. Only, this time the understanding didn’t fade, the curiosity and concern remaining.

  Gone where?

  We’re still here. My vampire seemed confused, still drowsy.

  My demon snarled, uncoiled, on alert. So painful compared to the dullness, her anxiety and anger. I’ll repeat Shaylee’s question, she sent. What the hell happened?

  I shook my head, sat back with my shoulders pressed to the wall, drawing my knees up to my chest. I don’t know. Tears threatened. Why was I sad? I tried to reach for the drach quiet only to feel the girls fading. They fought this time, clawed and pushed and cried out. I immediately stopped trying to retreat and shivered.

  I think I understand, my vampire sent. There was sorrow in her tone, too.

  An explanation would be peachy. My demon’s harsh temper made me wince. Was she always this corrosive?

  Yes, Shaylee sniffed.

  Right, they could hear my thoughts. Though, my demon didn’t seem to take offense.

  The drach, my vampire sent. By accepting the power and form of the first race, you’re smothering us. Even she winced at the term while I shuddered from it. I remember feeling elated we were leaving, a new beginning. And then… darkness.

  I fell asleep. My demon sounded puzzled. How could I fall asleep at a time like that?

  We all did. Shaylee’s mind spun inside mine, as though she looked around. But, it’s more than that, isn’t it? She seemed to tug and pull at the edges of herself, power growing stronger as she did. Not smothering, she sent, at a whisper with a hint of horror. Absorbing.

  Oh. My. Swearword.

  You mean she’s eating us? My demon’s fury roared in my head, but my vampire’s huffed sigh calmed her down while I rested my aching head on my knees and let her handle it, emotional overload clenching my heart in a hard, thudding ball.

  Don’t be ridiculous. My vampire softened. But, if Shaylee is right—and I suspect we’re thinking the same thing—if Syd hadn’t experienced the nightmare, if we hadn’t woken at that moment, eventually the personalities that make us up would be gone.

  Did that mean what made me was going, too?

  Likely, Shaylee sent, as kindly as she’d ever spoken.

  I can’t go back to being the way I was before. That road led to hurt and loss and the little things.

  Agreed, my vampire sent.

  But no way are you swallowing me whole, my demon snapped. We’ve had this fight before, Syd. I won’t let you destroy who I am.

  My vampire didn’t defend me this time. And I wasn’t surprised. Nor did I want her to. Because I needed the girls.

  Didn’t I?

  And yet, the last few months I’d spent as a drach… I hadn’t.

  Didn’t find Creator’s pieces, did you? My demon’s snort of derision hurt, the reminder painful. Miss “I don’t need anyone else”.

  Smartass demon

  Syd didn’t do this on purpose. Shaylee’s kindness held an edge. But, now we know… what are we going to do about it?

  There must be balance, my vampire sent. A way for Syd to remain drach and maintain the peace she’s found while the three of us continue to exist.

  We all fell silent, even the black ribbon around my wrist relaxing. I looked down at it. Stroked it softly. The drach soul I’d been given, a dying gift from Andre Dumont, wasn’t from our Universe. At least, that's what Max seemed to think. It had latched onto me and never released its hold. I’d forgotten it, too, in my descent into drach.

  Was that what being first race meant? Forgetting everything? But no, Max had his memories, painful and aching. Of the schism he caused, breaking Creator’s magic into the elemental parts, causing the creation of the Dark Universe with his act. So, what was really going on?

  It’s not like your mind is blank from your time being drach, my vampire sent. I can access those memories. But, it’s like you’ve been in a fog.

  I examined them myself, chest hurting. And agreed with her.

  The drach in me exhaled, reached out to wrap me up in its kind peace. While the girls again struggled for their own existence. Forcing me to put a wall between them and who I’d become.

  Not a perfect solution. My vampire squirmed against the barrier. But, I suppose, the best we can do until we figure this out.

  My demon added a layer to the wall herself, Shaylee copying her. My vampire did so last, reluctantly, while I felt the perfect calm I’d lived in fading further from me.

  Could I live with that? No choice. Not if it meant losing the girls. Even I wasn’t that selfish.

  Yes, my own personal ego whispered to me, nasty and biting. You are. You left everyone you loved behind. Why not them, too?

  Oh, shut up.

  I sat up most of the rest of the night, staring out the window into the quiet darkness, watching the stars spin overhead, the silence of the black turning slowly over into daylight. I blinked into the rising sun, surprised to find my body tight and cramped where I perched still with my back to the wall, arms around my knees, muscles rigid. I rubbed endlessly at the flexing, hot circle of black, like a touchstone of calm I wished would make me feel better.

  What do you want to do about the dream? My vampire’s soft voice still startled, reminding me with a slap to my cheek about the thought, long gone, that crossed my mind on the Stronghold’s wall just last night. And how many more times before had I remembered, only to forget in the lull that was my drach mind? She and the others I carried inside me backed my departure 100%, supporting my decision to join the drach, to cut ties and do what I had to do. I don’t recall when I realized their presence disappeared, absorbed inside the vast power that was the drach side of me. But, with my vampire's renewed touch, I grasped at her with a faintly needy mental grab that shocked and chilled me.

  And made me feel more human than I had in a long time.

  I don’t know. I whispered back to her, shivering inside. It was just a nightmare. So nice to talk to her again. How could I have just let her go?

  Was it? My demon’s mental voice had lost its anger, though she still sounded slightly sullen. Didn’t feel like just anything to me. Considering it woke us up where nothing else has… wouldn’t you agree that’s significant?

  Exactly. Shaylee pondered a moment. Alison told you to go home. Could she have meant wake up? As in, wake us up and remember?

  As much as that romantic notion might appeal, my vampire sent, I believe her command was more deliberate. And literal.

  I embraced all three of them tightly, stirring, as I did, the darkness of the sorcery inside me, the black blossom swelling and sighing at the ripples of power the girls returned to my awareness. The soft burn of the white power I shared with my sister, the strange, pale sorcery I now knew was Creator’s magical intent, was the only magic to sit, calm and quiet.

  Because it was part of my drach soul already. Only then did the black ribbon ease the last of its tension, an audible sigh marking the relaxation of its grip.


  How interesting the newest of my powers was the first to fully integrate.

  Most likely because the rest of us have had our own personality for too long. My vampire sounded sad but resigned.

  I leaned my head back against the stone wall and blinked the tears away into the bright light of the rising sun. Could I just let them go? The dear voices, the strong-willed women—bodiless but for me or not—the way I had everyone else? Or, could I keep them with me, find a way to share who I’d become with them now we knew?

  My drach form eased forward, offering love, peace, contentment. The wall between who I was and the girls faltered, sizzling as my demon’s wards strained.

  I had my answer.

  It would seem, my vampire sent as the black flower of my sorcery folded up quietly beneath me and slumbered once more, you can’t have one without the other. More’s the pity. And yet, this is the choice we all made, Syd. If you continue to be drach, if you choose to remain, eventually we will simply cease to be.

  True integration. My demon grunted, anger flaring a moment. I felt her resistance die, turn to resignation as she spun away from me, back to me, retreating. The fight gone out of her. That hurt me more than anything. We’d been together my entire life. She was my first woken ego. Could I simply let her fall into quiet and lose who she was?

  Integration, Shaylee repeated. As it is meant to be, I would imagine. I was surprised the most emotional of all of us was the most practical and realistic in that moment. And may eventually happen regardless.

  If I chose to be drach.

  I’m sorry about this. Seemed like a weak and pathetic thing to say. But I had to say something.

  Don’t be. My vampire’s cool spirit power brushed over me. But, now we know, are awake and aware. And we must choose together.

  Both my demon and Shaylee muttered agreement.

  My heart pinched and a surge of stubborn refusal cow-kicked me in the gut. We’ll figure it out, I sent, sharp with anger so rare to me now. But, hadn’t I been angry twice now in less than a day when I didn’t think I’d felt that emotion in weeks and weeks?

  Was I willing to release my peace in order to keep the girls intact? And, would doing so make my job of saving the Universe easier—or stand in my way?

  There’s no way of knowing, my vampire sent. I believe we were meant to be integrated fully into you. This symbiosis, though satisfying in many ways, can’t be the natural way of things.

  I don’t imagine anyone else evolved the way Syd has, Shaylee sent. Which means we have no precedent.

  You’re shocked? My demon snorted a laugh. That’s us. Breaking molds, one power at a time.

  Again my eyes stung. I wiped at tears. I miss you guys, I whispered to them, realizing it was true. And registering the newfound ache in my heart that was the emptiness left behind by the loss of the ones I loved. The gaping wound where the family magic once lived had scabbed over, but I knew if I picked at it, I could make it bleed.

  The black ribbon flexed in sympathy.

  Enough, my vampire sent, sharp and harsh enough to make me start. We made our choice, all of us. There was no other to make. And I for one refuse to allow myself the pity of regret. More murmurs, hugs from the girls, for me and for each other. We have survived much. And we will survive this. No matter in what form.

  Together, Shaylee sent.

  Just try to get rid of me, my demon growled. Paused. For the second time.

  Should have sounded lame, but didn’t. And the memory of losing her, of her capture and containment by the Chosen of the Light, only made me more convinced I’d not let them go for anything. Wouldn’t dream of it, I sent, sniffling away the last of my tears. Please, don’t let me forget you. Why did the idea break my heart and make me want to sob?

  Their power wove around mine. If you want us to stay, to live, to exist, my vampire sent, then it will be so.

  I really hoped she was right. Because I’d given up enough already, hadn’t I? Shock at the resentment I felt pushed me to my feet, made me shake my head. How had I gone from loving this life to suddenly wondering what the hell I was thinking in a space of a few hours?

  Stubborn, Sydlynn Hayle.

  Warm water did wonders for the ache in my body, though I found myself staring in the mirror this morning like I’d never done before. At my diamond eyes, the pale gray iridescence of my drach skin. The way the soft scales played over the angles and planes of my face, my neck. I hadn’t adopted the gray robe of my people, something I now knew was a simple construct of their magic, fabric woven from power, not true cloth. My legs liked jeans, my torso the softness of a T-shirt. And though Mabel had offered several times to show me how to braid my hair into the beautiful waterfall of plaits she sometimes wore to the floor, a simple ponytail sufficed for me.

  So, drach, but on the other hand… still a woman of sorts. Maybe one day I’d fully shed my humanity. But, doing so, I now guessed, would mean the loss of the voices in my head. There were some who might think I was nuts for wanting to preserve them.

  They had no idea.

  Feeling refreshed and more at ease, I had only just turned toward the door to leave my private quarters, to begin my search all over again, when something sharp stabbed deep into my heart, drawing a gasp of agony. I bent over, hands braced on my knees, panting as the beloved and desperate touch of a mind I knew better than my own reached out for me.

  Gabriel. He’d been searching for me all along. But, this was the first time he’d broken through the drach power, the shielding I’d maintained to protect myself—and my son and family—from connecting. Maybe it was the wakening of the girls, or the dream, or just the fact he was stronger than ever before. Regardless, I felt him latch onto my mind with his own, so powerfully I had to use force to separate us again.

  MOM!

  I found myself on the floor, on my knees, sobbing into my hands as his presence faded, my drach power cutting him away even as the black ribbon groaned its sadness. The girls whispered comfort to me, but there wasn’t much they could say. For the first time since I’d left home, I felt like I’d abandoned my family. The peace and ease I’d grown accustomed to shattered into shards, blades of blame and hurt slashing me over and over as I sank into guilt.

  Sydlynn. My vampire’s power jabbed me so sharply I gasped, shocked out of my bereavement. Enough.

  Go to hell. I clenched my teeth, wiping at my wet cheeks with the shoulder of my T-shirt. What have I done?

  You don’t get to fall apart, my demon sent, angry, hostile. Not now, damn you. Get your ass up.

  UP. Shaylee shook the ground beneath me, barely a tremor, but enough to drive me to my feet. And pull yourself together. Honestly. Such behavior.

  I almost laughed. I’m sorry, I sent, still choked up but successfully wrenched free from the aching agony my son’s longing had created. I’ll do better.

  You bet you will, Shaylee sniffed.

  What would I do without you? I hugged myself, crying again, but with less abandon and softer regret to replace the racking guilt.

  Fall to pieces, clearly, my demon sent.

  Sad, really, Shaylee sent in her best Sidhe princess tone of disdain.

  I couldn’t help it. All the emotions flooding me while I’d been so calm and without for so long made me volatile. I giggled and choked on tears while giggling some more. Snorted. Caught my breath.

  Sighed.

  Feel better? My vampire eased back, the girls all retreating and only then did I realize they’d been supporting me with power. Keeping me from flying apart.

  I’d almost let them vanish. But I really did need them.

  The dream. Shaylee hesitated a moment. Syd, I don’t think it was a dream.

  What if Gabriel was trying to tell us something? My demon rarely fretted, but she felt that way now, anxious suddenly. Alison might know what it is.

  Alison is gone, I sent, sinking to the end of my bed. With Sebastian and a large number of the vampires. To who knows where. The spirit power of my home
plane was all screwed up, though I discovered the focus of the damage was there, and decreased the further out I went from it. Why that was, I had no idea.

  Could she have managed to come back? My vampire sighed. We have no answers. And the only way to get them—

  Is to go home. My demon sounded hesitant. So not like her.

  Or, we ask Max or Mabel to find out. Shaylee’s solution made sense and, damn me if I wasn’t cowardly enough to agree with her.

  I couldn’t go home, not now. Not ever, likely. Endings were meant to be forever.

  Weren’t they?

  I’ll talk to Max, I sent, rising and heading for the door, reaching for the drach inside me, asking the power I held to please, please help me find balance yet again without having to give up the connection I had to the girls. And though, as I walked into the hall and headed for the dining hall, I felt my heart quiet, my soul calm, I knew it was a veneer this time.

  I’d lost the steady stillness I’d come to adore. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

  There is another way. My vampire’s reticence made me pause. Someone we could approach who we have no ties to, have never been tied to.

  And who might have the answers we need. My demon was nodding mentally. I waited not-so-patiently for them to get to the point.

  Ameline, Shaylee sent.

  That froze me in my tracks as I entered the wide entry to the Stronghold, the giant mirror that was the magical entrance shimmering on the far wall. I barely registered the drach who passed me in their slow and measured paces, nodding their greetings.

  What do you mean, Ameline? What did she have to do with this?

  She will know the state of things, my vampire sent. Without having to ask Max for help.

  He would help, I sent, not sure why I felt the need to defend the drach leader.

  Of course he would, she sent, familiar dry tone the same one that made me feel like she was talking slowly to a child. It used to irritate me. Yeah. Still did, turned out. But are you prepared to tell him about the dream?

  Why shouldn’t I? If it wasn’t a dream, if Alison and the vampires were back…

  You know how he feels about using Gabriel to find the pieces of Creator, my demon sent.