Divided Heart Page 11

  Mom. I grasped for her mind even as I slid into the veil and used it to slip past Maurice. Would it piss her off further? Likely. Only a flicker of movement, but it was enough to stir the shields in the building. Mom must have been trying to differentiate between who I was and what I could do, but clearly wasn’t getting it quite right. It felt like she’d gone too far the other way, choosing the safety of the school over mine.

  And what exactly did that say about her?

  Before the wards could boot my ass out of the building, Mom swept into the sitting room with a very angry look on her face. Sassafras stood at her side, eyes glowing, a low snarl coming from him. For a brief moment I thought perhaps it was her secretary she was angry with. How dare he keep me from my mother? Until her snapping blue eyes settled on me and the same old, same old judgments came pouring out of her, fed by her new fury at my lack of obedience.

  “Sydlynn,” Mom snapped like I was ten and broke her favorite vase. “What is the meaning of all this?”

  One glance at Sassafras told me he hadn’t the chance to fill her in, or cool her off after my little veil riding argument. I skimmed over that, telling her everything I’d learned about Darin and the Star Club, how my two friends were involved as quickly as I could, trying to rein in my temper even as my demon cat added his own concerns to mine.

  When we were done, Mom’s anger had dimmed, though she still looked irritated. The secretary huffed beside me as he pushed past me and joined Mom, almost like they were closing ranks. Well, I had my own ranks, thank you. So what if he was a fluffy ball of silver fur?

  “I understand your concern for your friends,” Mom said. “And the fact there are vampires in the vicinity. But,” she held up one index finger, the most annoying gesture I’d ever seen her make, “since the wards you speak of and the club house itself are off Yard property, they aren’t breaking any laws.”

  “Miriam,” Sassafras started, but Mom cut him off.

  “It’s troublesome,” she said. “Not only the vampire presence, but the fact witches are luring normals into their clubs. Still, it’s possible there aren’t dark motives involved and they are simply seeking to expand their membership. That isn’t illegal either, as long as they don’t reveal who they are.” It was my turn to try to talk, but Mom pushed on. “I’ll look into it. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” Mom’s eyes fixed on me. “Now, why don’t you go back to your dorm room and focus on school and having fun? This is a very important year for you, sweetheart, a time when you make allies and friends among other witches you would never normally have time to meet. And you’ve been through enough trouble already. No more riding the veil, no more magical displays. Just leave this to me.”

  Oh no, she did not just practically repeat what Quaid said to me. I was not looking for trouble.

  Damn it. She was just humoring me.

  Mom turned and left, Maurice already moving toward me, herding me out. I didn’t resist. Why bother? Not like Mom was willing to listen to me anyway.

  Besides, I’d done what I could, Sassy and I both had. If this turned into a giant mess, let Mom clean it up. She couldn’t say I didn’t tell her so.

  We were back on the elevator, Charlotte’s anger matching mine, when Sassafras kyboshed the thoughts going through my head.

  “We can’t break the wards on another witch’s domain and you know it.” He growled softly. “Not without cause.” When he sighed, his tail thrashed in time with the sound. “I don’t know what’s gotten into your mother, but she’s so tied to the big picture she’s started to ignore the details.”

  “Oh, so that’s what you call it.” I was a detail. Two normals and maybe more being sucked into who knew what by a witch I didn’t trust was a detail.

  Lovely.

  “I’ll watch the place myself,” Sass said as we left the building and headed for my dorm. “I don’t trust this one bit.”

  That at least made me feel better, though after he scampered off into the darkness I missed him immediately.

  ***

  Chapter Twenty One

  Charlotte kept her distance as I started walking. Not toward my dorm, not yet. I couldn’t sleep yet. Instead, I began a slow circle of the Yard, head down, eyes locked on the path, but mind far away as I struggled with my emotions. Now that Sassafras was on the job with the boys, all of the pain and confusion came rushing back.

  We had only gone half way around the circle, tall trees drenching the Yard in deep shadows, when Charlotte’s soft hiss pulled me to a halt. I looked up and caught sight of Quaid outside what had to have been his dorm.

  With her. The honey-blonde pressed against his arm, a low laugh reaching me through the dark and quiet. He laughed in return, head bent toward her. An intimate moment, one reminding me of the same connection he and I shared.

  I wanted to be angry, to be jealous. But as I stood there in the night and forced myself to gulp cool air while I watched the guy I loved with another girl, my heart, already in trouble when it came to Quaid, shrank and cracked in half.

  Charlotte’s gentle hand on my arm turned me around, forcing me to look away. “He’s not worthy,” she growled.

  I shrugged and glanced their way again. They hadn’t kissed or anything, at least not that I’d seen. Was I overreacting? Looking for trouble, just like he said?

  I let Charlotte lead me home, slipped into my room, grateful Sashenka was still out. But I didn’t sleep, couldn’t. Tried a few times to lie down only to toss and turn and leap up again while my mind and what was left of my heart tortured me over Quaid. Was she still with him? Did he love me anymore or had things really changed? I hadn’t felt it from him. The connection between us was still there. Surely if he didn’t love me, if he wanted to be with her, he’d have severed our magical touch.

  Wouldn’t he?

  I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see him, talk to him. And not just using magic. I needed to be able to touch him, to look in his eyes when I asked him the hard questions. The ones I didn’t want to ask.

  But I also couldn’t have Charlotte hovering and watching, either. A brief shot of guilt was all I allowed myself as I fetched my sweater and sent out a very subtle, very gentle touch of magic across the hall.

  Charlotte wasn’t sleeping, not really. Her mind was more in some kind of meditation mode. Did she ever sleep? All it took was a very soft push and she was out like a light.

  I still snuck as quietly as I could past her door, just in case, not breathing a sigh of relief until I was out the door of the Hall and in the Yard. Free, a new kind of dread took me over. Was I ready for what Quaid might tell me?

  My feet dragged over the grass as I forced myself to cross to his dorm, wrapping myself in a bit of magic to make sure no one saw me. I felt like I was breaking some kind of law, or doing something wrong, but I had to know, had to see him.

  No matter what the cost.

  I was forced to wait in the shadows while two freshmen, normals from the look of them, passed through the main door before I reached out and felt around for Quaid. His power latched onto mine immediately, but it was clear from his touch he wasn’t alone.

  I bit back a sob, only to realize there were multiple people with him, not just her. It made things a little easier when his mind touched mine, gentle, tender.

  Give me two seconds.

  I felt him through the connection as he continued to hold onto me, banishing his friends from his room. His power cradled me like I was something precious until he was alone again.

  I didn’t bother using the entry, but rode the veil right to his door. Mom could just suck it up. And when she didn’t comment or even seem to notice, I forgot about her entirely. My entire body clenched as I stood there for the single heartbeat it took for Quaid to reach his door, turn the knob, wrench it open.

  The moment his eyes met mine all of my questions were answered. The love in the deep chocolate of his gaze drew me to him just as much as his strong hands as he reached out with his power and his bo
dy to pull me into his arms and kiss me like he’d missed me as much as I missed him.

  I’m so afraid. I clung to him, the fire of his lips on mine making me shaky. I don’t want to lose you.

  Syd, Syd. His mind was wide open, his heart, for the first time completely and I could see and feel, as clearly as if it were my own, just how much he loved me.

  Tears welled, spilled over, ran down my cheeks. He kissed them away, holding me even tighter, rocking me slightly as we stood there at the threshold of his room while his love for me filled me up so much I could barely breathe.

  Yes. This. This true love, this feeling, the way we were perfect together, how our magic linked and meshed and flowed like we were two parts of the same whole. He was kissing me again, his hands touching me in ways I’d always wanted them to. There had always been something in our way before, some crisis or disaster, but here, now, for the first time, it was just me and Quaid and our love.

  He didn’t resist when I pushed him back into his room and kicked the door shut behind us.

  ***

  Chapter Twenty Two

  My whole body was warm, tingly. It felt odd yet amazing at the same time to wake to the touch of him pressed against me, skin soft and rough, stirring up all kinds of fabulousness. Light and heat touched my face, forcing my eyes to flicker open and blink into the morning sunlight. I stretched, sighing in happiness, everything about this particular morning absolutely perfect.

  I’d been worried about us why? Hard to recall with the guy I loved snuggled up beside me, bare chest so delicious I wanted to eat him up, the pentagram tattoo I adored dark in the morning light. While I may have been running on total instinct last night, it was clear Quaid at least had some prior experience. And though a sad little part of me wished it had been our first time together, my happy body was quite pleased he’d known what he was doing.

  Shiver.

  Yes. Perfect. Everything had been perfect. Including the thrill of magic tying us together, magic that had nothing to do with the connection we already shared. Was there something to this destiny stuff after all? Were Quaid and I meant for one another, fated, and did the zing of power mean we were finally bonded forever?

  As much as that kind of magic would have bothered me any other time, for once I welcomed it. Quaid was mine, all mine, would be for as long as we both lived. It was hard not to secretly hear wedding bells and fantasize about what our kids would look like as I lay there next to him, letting our lives stretch out in front of me until we were crotchety old people, still desperately in love, hand in hand on our front porch while we snarked at the neighbor’s kids.

  Quaid’s handsome face glowed as he smiled with half-lidded eyes from the pillow next to me. His dark hair hung over his cheek and I took a lazy moment to sweep it aside before leaning over to kiss him.

  “Morning.” His lips curved in a tasty line, begging for more. My demon shivered in anticipation, growling softly while I felt heat rise to the surface of my skin even as my world narrowed down to one single vision. Quaid.

  I opened my mouth to answer and broke into giggles before covering my mouth with both hands.

  A race of nerves I was really here, right now, with him, the image of us as a happy old couple vanished as I realized where I was and what we’d done. Contemplating a repeat performance of last night. This time I was without the emotional surge to push me through my butterflies. Why was I nervous? This was Quaid, the guy I loved and would do anything for.

  Still. “Crap,” I said, making an excuse for my laughter. “Morning breath.”

  Quaid grabbed me and pulled me close, so close I could focus on nothing but the hunger in his dark eyes.

  Turns out morning breath and excited butterflies weren’t really much of an issue.

  ***

  I was going to be late for class, but somehow I didn’t really care all that much. Quaid’s shower was plenty big for the two of us, turned out, and he was more than willing to share. Share? Um, well, more like he couldn’t stand to let me out of his arms for even a second.

  And I was all for that.

  Any fears or confusion I’d felt were long gone, my heart doing a happy tap dance every time he touched me, looked at me, came close to me. And that was a near constant. It was impossible to doubt how perfect we were together while he kissed the inside of my wrist after I finished tucking my wet hair into a messy bun at the nape of my neck, or when he pressed those amazing lips to the corner of my mouth, making my cheek tingle from the roughness of his scruff.

  Delicious. Did I mention he was delicious? Yum.

  Heart full and feeling his power with me as strong as ever, stronger even if that was possible, I contentedly strolled out of the building with him, hand-in-hand, into the gorgeous morning sunlight. Quaid pulled me close and kissed me, slow and long and lingering, until my knees threatened to give way and my heart was racing so fast I was sure I’d die from happiness.

  “I love you.” His dark eyes were so intent it was almost as if he doubted I believed him.

  I gripped his handsome face between my hands and sent him everything I was feeling through my magic, including the naughty thoughts my demon was having as she purred in absolute delight.

  “I know,” I said. “Quaid, I love you, too. You felt it?”

  The magic binding us together, the very fate Mom always secretly smiled about. He nodded slowly. “And here I thought your mother was just trying to control us.”

  I snorted, kissed him again. “You and me, Quaid. Forever and always. We’re meant to be.”

  He smiled then, kissed the tip of my nose. The light touch made me giggle.

  “We’re both late,” he said, but his tone told me he cared about as much as I did.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Oh well.”

  I’m not sure how long we would have stood there, grinning at each other like idiots, if Quaid’s Enforcer friends hadn’t shown up. But I was in such a great mood, his love still wrapped around me, I didn’t feel a flicker of resentment as he finally turned and left, hand holding mine to the last possible moment until his fingertips were all I had of him.

  I hugged myself as he waved, walking backwards as he retreated, eyes locked on me. I wanted to jump up and down, squeal like a little girl, tell someone, anyone, how much I loved him. How yes, we were right for each other, he was the perfect guy for me. Bouncy and full of the most joy I’d ever felt, I drifted my way across the Yard to my own dorm to fetch my book bag.

  And came face-to-face with a very, very angry Charlotte.

  Oh, crap.

  She handed me my bag, jaw so tight I was certain she’d shatter it, and refused to speak one word to me, even when I tried to apologize. I didn’t let her attitude get me down. She’d just have to get used to the fact there would be times I needed my privacy.

  Hopefully tonight, in fact. The memory of Quaid made me blush and giggle to myself just as I sank into a seat in my first class. Sashenka raised an eyebrow, but she was smiling.

  “Where were you last night?” Her eyes flickered to Liam who sat on the other side of me.

  Liam. Right. His hazel eyes met mine as I tried to dampen my enthusiasm.

  “Out.” I could have just said Mom’s, but I didn’t want to lie to her. And there was no way I was telling her I was with Quaid with Liam sitting right there. I was happy and loved Quaid, but after what happened the night before, I wasn’t about to hurt my Sidhe friend by going on and on about my boyfriend.

  But it did remind me we had to talk about what happened. Liam acted like nothing changed, but now that Quaid and I were on solid ground again, I needed to deal with my friend and his feelings.

  It was hard not to let my mind wander to Quaid and I found myself doodling his name as if I were some pre-teen with a crush. Liam acted funny all day, sitting next to Sashenka instead of me, head down, not talking. My guilt began to grow, cutting through my happiness at last, added to the continuing cold shoulder Charlotte gave me until I finally felt like a criminal or
something.

  I finally headed back to my room after classes were over, begging off when Sashenka and the girls invited me to the cafeteria with them. Liam left without a word before I could chase him. Selfishness won in the battle between hunting him down and making him talk to me and reaching for Quaid.

  No surprise there.

  The moment I sent my magic to Quaid I knew something was wrong.

  Are you okay? He felt angry and frustrated.

  I’m fine. His mental voice snapped. Then softened. Sorry, rough day.

  Can I help? I let my demon reach for him, but he cut her off, tightening the connection between us until only a thin thread remained.

  Thanks, but I can handle this myself.

  Okay then. Are you sure? I’m happy to—

  I don’t need a coven leader to save me, thanks. Quaid’s mental voice sighed as I gasped softly. He might as well have slapped me, it hurt so much. Syd, I’m sorry, really. Just... give me a little space tonight. I’m not fit to be around. Okay?

  Okay. I knew I should just pull away, let him have the space he wanted, but my heart, still freshly full of love, needed reassurance since we’d just declared our undying devotion to each other, both in heart and body. The fate thing, right? I love you.

  He paused. Paused. Only an instant, but that instant was a lifetime.

  I love you, too. And then, he was gone.

  And my fragile and wide-open heart wanted to die. Just whither and collapse and let go of everything, shatter and turn to dust so I didn’t have to feel what I was feeling. Worry the magic connecting us, the destiny I was so sure of was a lie after all, some distortion of what might have been—choke—for him at least, just sex.

  It took a long time for me to talk myself down. I pushed myself into the corner where my bed met the wall and hugged my knees to my chest, trying to hold myself together when I was sure I was about to fly apart. I’d never, ever been so vulnerable, not when my demon left me, not when my family was in danger, never. Not like this.